Today is an aweful day for me. I had an extremely severe quarrell with my mother and the worst part is that the chance for changing is not yet to be seen.
There is something in quarrells - that is a state of mind, when your anger brings up things deeply buried in your mind. Well, lots of pessivism, no chance for hope, hatred and anxiety have been digged out of my mind today. And that is how most people behave in a situation like this, so far it's okay. What is not okay, is that so far my anxiety, hatred and all these negative feelings had been suppressed in me so far. It feels like my ideologies kept my senses in a limit that failed to see the truth about me.
The truth is that I can be a very aggressive at times, I am a hateful person with lots of energy that can burst out anytime.
It is neither good nor bad. It is just me and until I am aware of these features of me, I can handle them and most certainly will.
Ideologies are good as they show you something you would like to be. But remember that you are not your idol and may never be.
